Feeling bad

I felt really bad for being insensitive in cracking a bad joke. It was seriously my bad.. :(

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我不开心

我不开心。河马陈也不开心。

河马陈是为了柴米油盐酱醋茶而烦恼、为了工作而烦恼、为了家人而烦恼。晚一些再为爱情烦。我很希望河马陈会慢慢的开心起来。

而我，却不知为了什么而烦。只觉得自己浑浑噩噩，不知不觉地过了四分之一个世纪。到现在，自己要什么也不是很清楚。我不知道该把重心放在哪里。因为我怕。我曾把100%的重心放在爱情上，换来的只是满怀的悲伤加满脑的悲观与忧郁。我曾把100%的重心放在事业上，人算不如天算，事业也没有很成功，到今天也只是一个小小的人事部人员。不！是小小的行政人员。

我曾被至亲的人背叛过，被朋友利用过。但我笨、就是不学乖，还是重感情。但我真的尝试过了。我设法为自己洗脑，要做个不惜人间烟火的人。这几年来，我就过这像梦般的生活 -- 浑浑噩噩的生活。我的忠旨是：没有希望就没有失望，尤其对感情。

我的思绪很混乱。最终我还是把大部分的重心放在工作上。虽然我不是付出最多努力的，但对于那些不努力但又领高薪与高职位的，老实说我心里感到不平衡。我的努力是否就这么没价值？我就那么不被重视？我是垃圾吗？

我很乱。我质疑自己是不是垃圾。我的价值是什么？在质疑自己的同时，我也不知觉的质疑起一些人。

我不喜欢这样的自己。

Trying to Think Positively

I hate it when people stop walking at the right side of the escalator. *angry*

Work up feeling uneasy. Don't feel like working today. Restless. Gotta psycho myself to think positively. Hopefully hot Nutella toast will do it's thing. :)

Morning everyone!!! :)


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Klang Bak Ku Teh

Hippo brought me to eat Klang Bak Ku Teh yesterday. VERY good!!! :D :D Learnt how to eat chopped chilli padi + chopped garlic + dark soya sauce. Craving for it now. =X Will go eat it tomorrow. :) *yummy!!*

Definition of a Friend

I thought that what separates a good friend and a normal friend is that a good friend will be able to feel whatever you are feeling. Meaning to say our thoughts and feelings are synchronised. Jiexi cried over my sad incidents with me, so have I over her sad happenings. Needless to say, we are best friends, and I appreciate her synchronisation a lot. I felt that at least someone cares and understands.

Hippo's thoughts differ. He reminded me that I should pull myself out of the picture, so that I will be able to provide better guidance and support. A good friend should be calm and logical enough to act as a 避风港 for the other party, which is also valid.

Regardless of our difference in thoughts/ definition. We have different roles to play as friends.

According to joycelynpedia.com, another characteristic of a good friend is to be able to carry out engaging, enlightening and thought intriguing conversations with one another. :)

That Deeply Rooted Misbelief

I didn't realise how deeply rooted I was into the whole thing, until Jiexi and Hippo talked about it with me.

I had tea and dinner with Hippo today. As a result of our discussion, I was further surprised by my extent of rootedness. Hippo mentioned that I am very successful in psyching myself in this area. So much so that I am confused. I am shocked by how true what Hippo and Jiexi mentioned are. Yet I am so afraid and insecure to accept what they have mentioned. I think I need more time. Whatever that is deeply rooted into me is not there overnight, maybe I need more time to reverse that. Maybe.

Please stop digging

I hope and wish that Hippo will stop digging.

3 Jan 10

Had tea and dinner with Hippo today. I got to know his point of view better and hence I respect his decisions and behaviour. In a way, maybe I should start digging a bit.

Thank you Hippo. :)