Greed

I gotta ventilate or I will burst.  We are all greedy hence we are always striving and wanting more. 

I am greedy to want more in my career.  Now I am greedy that I want my mum to be healthy as well.  I did not manage to be successful in my career & it is obvious that I cannot control my mum's health too.

I am tired.  In terms of career I have tried far too hard, yet not getting what I want.  "patience is the key", they said.  Perhaps it is.  Perhaps I am impatient like the majority.  

It was a few days ago that mummy shared that she is feeling discomfort in her abdomen area.  Having gone through a major surgery at least 5 years ago, it is not good news.  I am worried sick.  I don't know what I can do for her.  I am scared that if anything happens I am not prepared enough, especially financially.  In terms of mentally, nobody can ever be prepared enough.  At least I recognised that.

This morning I woke up terribly upset.  Upset that I am being shortchanged all the time.  I have gone through multiple bad bosses and it took a lot for the people around me to convince me that it is not me.  Now when it is possible for my mum to be sick, I am crumbling. I want to be able to cope better, but I don't know how.  I guess writing is a way, hence I am furiously tapping away in the train. 

In terms of my mother's health, obviously I can't do anything.  I guess I can only wait and see how.  I would think that she would hope for me to be independent and showing maturity in all possible ways. 

In terms of career, I can only do my best and see how it goes. 

If there is a God out there, please take notice of me and my family.....