我不开心

我不开心。河马陈也不开心。

河马陈是为了柴米油盐酱醋茶而烦恼、为了工作而烦恼、为了家人而烦恼。晚一些再为爱情烦。我很希望河马陈会慢慢的开心起来。

而我，却不知为了什么而烦。只觉得自己浑浑噩噩，不知不觉地过了四分之一个世纪。到现在，自己要什么也不是很清楚。我不知道该把重心放在哪里。因为我怕。我曾把100%的重心放在爱情上，换来的只是满怀的悲伤加满脑的悲观与忧郁。我曾把100%的重心放在事业上，人算不如天算，事业也没有很成功，到今天也只是一个小小的人事部人员。不！是小小的行政人员。

我曾被至亲的人背叛过，被朋友利用过。但我笨、就是不学乖，还是重感情。但我真的尝试过了。我设法为自己洗脑，要做个不惜人间烟火的人。这几年来，我就过这像梦般的生活 -- 浑浑噩噩的生活。我的忠旨是：没有希望就没有失望，尤其对感情。

我的思绪很混乱。最终我还是把大部分的重心放在工作上。虽然我不是付出最多努力的，但对于那些不努力但又领高薪与高职位的，老实说我心里感到不平衡。我的努力是否就这么没价值？我就那么不被重视？我是垃圾吗？

我很乱。我质疑自己是不是垃圾。我的价值是什么？在质疑自己的同时，我也不知觉的质疑起一些人。

我不喜欢这样的自己。

Trying to Think Positively

I hate it when people stop walking at the right side of the escalator. *angry*

Work up feeling uneasy. Don't feel like working today. Restless. Gotta psycho myself to think positively. Hopefully hot Nutella toast will do it's thing. :)

Morning everyone!!! :)


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Klang Bak Ku Teh

Hippo brought me to eat Klang Bak Ku Teh yesterday. VERY good!!! :D :D Learnt how to eat chopped chilli padi + chopped garlic + dark soya sauce. Craving for it now. =X Will go eat it tomorrow. :) *yummy!!*

Definition of a Friend

I thought that what separates a good friend and a normal friend is that a good friend will be able to feel whatever you are feeling. Meaning to say our thoughts and feelings are synchronised. Jiexi cried over my sad incidents with me, so have I over her sad happenings. Needless to say, we are best friends, and I appreciate her synchronisation a lot. I felt that at least someone cares and understands.

Hippo's thoughts differ. He reminded me that I should pull myself out of the picture, so that I will be able to provide better guidance and support. A good friend should be calm and logical enough to act as a 避风港 for the other party, which is also valid.

Regardless of our difference in thoughts/ definition. We have different roles to play as friends.

According to joycelynpedia.com, another characteristic of a good friend is to be able to carry out engaging, enlightening and thought intriguing conversations with one another. :)

That Deeply Rooted Misbelief

I didn't realise how deeply rooted I was into the whole thing, until Jiexi and Hippo talked about it with me.

I had tea and dinner with Hippo today. As a result of our discussion, I was further surprised by my extent of rootedness. Hippo mentioned that I am very successful in psyching myself in this area. So much so that I am confused. I am shocked by how true what Hippo and Jiexi mentioned are. Yet I am so afraid and insecure to accept what they have mentioned. I think I need more time. Whatever that is deeply rooted into me is not there overnight, maybe I need more time to reverse that. Maybe.

Please stop digging

I hope and wish that Hippo will stop digging.

3 Jan 10

Had tea and dinner with Hippo today. I got to know his point of view better and hence I respect his decisions and behaviour. In a way, maybe I should start digging a bit.

Thank you Hippo. :)

Implanting Belief and Hope

In celebration of Jiexi getting attached, had dinner with Jiexi and Hippo. Had a good dinner and conversation was good.

Jiexi shared ideas about the Emotional Bank. When we have good dialogues, we are depositing into our respective banks. When we are having arguments, we are withdrawing from the bank. It is also important for us to maintain good balance in our banks. If our deposit is low, we should withdraw from the other party's bank. Good point. I hope Jiexi will remember to practise this with Mr *Ahem*. :) Seriously hope Jiexi will be forever happy with Mr *Ahem*. :D

Hippo and Jiexi tried to implant Belief and Hope into me, which I have long lost. I have hope, but I dare not believe. Maybe one day I will have both.

I wish all my friends, especially Jiexi and Hippo, happy happenings. :)