Please stop digging

I hope and wish that Hippo will stop digging.

3 Jan 10

Had tea and dinner with Hippo today. I got to know his point of view better and hence I respect his decisions and behaviour. In a way, maybe I should start digging a bit.

Thank you Hippo. :)

Implanting Belief and Hope

In celebration of Jiexi getting attached, had dinner with Jiexi and Hippo. Had a good dinner and conversation was good.

Jiexi shared ideas about the Emotional Bank. When we have good dialogues, we are depositing into our respective banks. When we are having arguments, we are withdrawing from the bank. It is also important for us to maintain good balance in our banks. If our deposit is low, we should withdraw from the other party's bank. Good point. I hope Jiexi will remember to practise this with Mr *Ahem*. :) Seriously hope Jiexi will be forever happy with Mr *Ahem*. :D

Hippo and Jiexi tried to implant Belief and Hope into me, which I have long lost. I have hope, but I dare not believe. Maybe one day I will have both.

I wish all my friends, especially Jiexi and Hippo, happy happenings. :)

Happy for Jiexi

This is seemingly the start of a good year.

On 31 Dec 09, Baby Cadence came into this world.

On 1 Jan 09, Jiexi got attached. I am super happy for her. :D

Hopefully more good things will come.

I cried buckets when I watched UP. I cried a fair share when I saw this

I realised something - I crave for a sincere and loyal lover, just like what was depicted by UP and the dog, but I don't have the faith that it will happen, especially to me. So I cried uncontrollably, because I don't believe in the existence of true endless love. People change and feelings change. Nothing is permanent.

Review

Went East Coast Park with Shan, Jia and David, with Hersheys, Diamond and Jerfrin (not sure about spelling). It was quite a good trip though the humans ended up more tired than the dogs. We should have dog outings more often. Hersheys is showing signs of fever though. I hope she will feel better soon.

======================

Discussed office matters with HT, about my feeling upset about new colleague (NC) getting more chance of exposure than myself. Generally feeling jealous of new colleague and imbalanced of the whole preferential treatment from Management. But I will live with it, coz this is the company culture. It is not what do you do, but who you know; as well as where you come from. NC was previously from hotel background, which explains the preferential treatment.

HT pointed out that I might be too anxious to see results, which I agree. On second thought, I think this is something which I need to adjust my thinking and to start to give time for things to happen, regardless they happen or not. I am glad that I have someone truthful and experienced (meaning having worked for 5 years and above) like HT and Jiexi to guide me along. Very often, they highlighted areas which I have not thought of. :) From this we can really see that experience does matter.

My overall conclusion with regards to Management's preferential treatment to NC is that I will just do whatever I have to do. I will also accept it that NC is preferred even though she is only here for 5 days. From what I have gathered myself, she is definitely a capable individual who had exposure to full spectrum of HR, which I don't have. Hence, I will accept it if Management prefers her and if she ever gets on top of me (as in being promoted instead of me), I will accept it, even though I will not be happy. Simply because I know she is preferred and that she also has what it takes (I feel).

Personally I will just continue to strive and improve in whatever ways I can. That's the best I can do for now. I am still green and has lots to learn. Perhaps my next job will be in the hotel industry as well.

I don't feel good

I am tired.

Maybe it is because I have yet to recover fully from my flu. I still do feel cold every now and then, even though it is without the sneezing or coughing.

But then again, it could be because I am mentally disappointed. I am disappointed that my working environment is not performance-based but preference-based. Initially I thought it was just a no-growth kind of working environment, but after talking to other colleagues, it is also a no salary-adjustment environment (of course with exception to the person management prefers). I am seriously disappointed. My efforts are going down the drain - wasted. If that's the case, why am I going to work every day? Even if I tell myself it is for money, I am not satisfied with the answer. Simply because I don't feel monetarily rewarded for my efforts - no salary adjustment upon confirmation, even though I know I have performed above expectations (of my boss).

I've told myself that I am here to clock experience, so I will stay for 1 year. Note: Not gain experience, but to clock, simply because there is nothing much to learn here. But now, this 1 year is increasingly hard to achieve. I know I will still stay, regardless of how I feel. It is just that I will not be happy here.

As if I am not unhappy enough, I have an ex-colleague who is going the extra mile to sms me that she is doing very well in another company (even though I know she may not be all that well-off) and messaging me deliberately via FB that she feels happy that she has left the company and that she pities those who are still with the company. I know she is exaggerating. But I can't help it but feel affected, especially when I gotta face The Preferred One everyday - seeing her defy our dress code, currying favour to the upper management, talk on the phone even during meetings etc etc etc, getting away with everything, simply because she is The Preferred One.

I am disappointed that regardless of work, friendship, family etc etc etc, WHATEVER, I have no control over the outcome. Because I cannot control how people think or act. It takes 2 hands to clap - if I am putting in effort when the other party is not, it is still equivalent to nothing. The conclusion is that no matter how much effort I make, I can still be nothing/ worthless to others (my dear friends and family included). Maybe I should lead the life like a robot - emotionless. Then maybe I wouldn't feel hurt.

My heart aches.

loreal sale

went loreal sale with shan & jia. bought 3 lippies. pleasantly surprised tt 1 of them was mfged on my bday last year. :)